It has been a while. I see I have around 9 drafts, all of which I had started with passion and a lot of ideas. And then somewhere in the humdrum of daily life, the ideas fizzled and I ran out of enough energy to revitalize those. A whole lot of nothingness and moments of significance, moments that put the whole act of living in perspective, filled up the space and time in between.
The pandemic has turned everything upside down and in all impossible directions and people probably have had enough of it. I for one, am tired. But when a few months ago, my home country of India got ravaged not only because of the virus but also because of an inept and corrupt administration, for the first time in the last 18 months I felt helpless. This is, however, neither the time nor the place to explain that feeling, but to see loss like I had never seen before, was surely overwhelming. A classmate from high school, who was pregnant with twins, succumbed to the virus leaving behind two extremely premature babies who will have to grow up without their mother. Their mother went to the land of no return without fulfilling her long cherished dream of becoming a mother. A friend lost her parents within a span of 4 days and a cousin bid adieu to her mother over the phone from across the seas. My very best friend is still recovering from the after effects after 4 months and a long hospital stay. These are just a handful of incidents that are by no means isolated or unique. Life is such, I must have read somewhere and perhaps have known, but had never experienced such hopelessness before and that took a toll on me. While there was so much to be thankful for and there still is, it did become a bit difficult this time to hold on to that good. As I read today in an article on EMS personnel in New York, ‘you cannot dip your paintbrush in the wonderful and cover up the tragic’.
But as life goes on, so must we. It is such a storyteller, won’t you agree? And to find the extraordinary in the ordinary rhythms of life is what we strive for, perhaps.
Thanks for stopping by. Stay safe. Stay kind.
bitsandpieces 
I’m sorry to hear this Moon. It’s easy to forget the individual traumas when seeing the large scale numbers of the pandemic. That feeling of helplessness hard especially when we think “There but the grace of God go I”
Keep safe
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Thank you Sandy. It felt almost selfish to have these feelings (for people I knew personally who were in pain) when the whole world was hurting and I had been sort of not letting myself absorb the helpless feeling for a long time. But a time came when I just let go and feeling that helplessness had a cathartic effect of sorts. And strange as it may sound, both my husband and I felt guilty when we were buying the house, for reasons I cannot even begin to explain. But this whole year has been a learning experience to say the least.
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It’s not so hard to understand. There’s something called survivor guilt which describes what you’re saying. Sometimes all you can do, is accept it, process it and move on. It’s been a remarkable year for everyone.
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I’m sorry to hear about these hardships, and gosh those little twins. Hopefully their father has a lot of help from family and friends. For our kids’ sake, life must go on. The pandemic sure has put things in perspective. Take care, Moon!
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Thank you Snow. Yes, they do have help and I am hoping all turns out well for them. Just when things had started to look better, it all seems to be going downhill again…at least that’s what it is like here. Sending you and the kids hugs:)
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You too!
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I’m so sorry for everything. 😦 I think your schoolmate became a mother after all. Her children live on. Extraordinary always wins.
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