I have been missing from my own happy and calm place- taking pictures and scribbling- for the past few weeks. I am more anxious and restless as a result and I don’t really like this ‘me’! Sometimes life gets crazy and replying to simple emails seems like a task and the two hour ‘me’ window that generally is allotted for rants and rambles gets filled with Netflix, leading to more restlessness! We all have been/are part of such cycles that leave us in a flux at times, won’t you say? How do you deal with it?
I sometimes wish I could go out to places a couple of times a week at least that would let me take photos to my heart’s content and teach me things. Instead, days get filled with the mundane and this fanciful notion takes a backseat. While my heart is thankful for all that I have and I feel blessed for my family, especially my little ones, at times a tiny something feels missing from this perfect setting. I wonder if this is the feeling of a stay at home mom and I also wonder if it’s okay to feel this way. A part of me wants to work, wants to put my degrees to some use, wants to be able to give back to society, wants to be a role model for the tiny humans we are trying to raise. I know of parents who would give anything to be able to stay at home,watching their kids grow – roll on the floor with them, make sandwiches with funny faces for lunch and just be silly in the middle of the day! And I am grateful,every single day, to be able to do that. But at the same time, the urge to go to work does not seem to go away. This sort of dichotomy between the ‘what- one- has’ and ‘what- one- wants’ is nothing new and never has an easy solution! Neither does mine. Sometimes we give in to situations and fail to navigate around. And sometimes we find a middle ground or choose a path and stick to that no matter what.
I have been perturbed for the past few days and I know I will be again in the future! But for now, I am choosing to not sink in the ‘have- nots’ but embrace the ‘haves’ and when the time is right, choose a path that will hopefully ease those pangs of uneasiness.
Have a good week and thanks for stopping by!